HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
