ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
