I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
