you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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