Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
