So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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