you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
