just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
