thus making me awesome and them whores
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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