The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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