Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
