I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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