i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
