he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
