Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
