I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
