i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
