You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
