she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
