That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
