Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
