So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
