all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
