If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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