You really coming over, don't trick.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
