am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
