I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
