does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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