I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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