Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
