You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
