i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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