Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
