I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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