Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
