She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
