Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
