May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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