Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
