where am i from again
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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