Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
