Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
