She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
