I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
