eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
