3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
