Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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