I am full of burrito and curiosity
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
