Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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