Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
