when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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