where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
