I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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