What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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