you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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