weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
