we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
