I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
