I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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